It feels like every time I try to get my life back on track, I’m forced to take multiple steps back. As soon as I try to be better, it all comes crumbling down immediately.
It feels like no one gets it. No one at all. And like there’s no one to talk to. Like there’s no one that wants to listen. And when I need help, it's too much and sudden;y other people know what I need. You don’t know what it feels like to want to die. Or to want to hurt yourself. They’ll never get it. And you’ll never be able to explain it because people feel like there’s something wrong with you. Like it’s so easy to make it stop. Just stop being pathetic. Get over it.
No one ever sees what they’re doing to someone. They really don’t care why you’re acting out, they only care about you stopping from treating them badly. I’m clearly not a good enough human, so I’m sure if I wasn’t around it’ll all be gone. All their problems and what they’re feeling.
You think you’re tired of my moods. I’m tired of being myself. I’m tired of even existing at this point. I’m tired that there’s no one to talk to, because no one cares, and I really don’t wanna be a “burden.” I’m tired of every little thing ticking me off, and I’m tired of being wrong. I just wish I could blame someone for the way I’m feeling so that I know I’m not going insane. That I’m actually being reasonable. That there are reasons for my actions and my moods.
Or am I really just a jackass that sucks and isn’t being a proper human. A proper person, daughter, girlfriend, friend. I just wanna sleep forever. Never wake up. Never face any of this. All these issues that I’ve created would just vanish. Gone.
I hate it here. I hate it here so much. Cause when I am happy it’s questioned. It feels wrong. No one cares. Not even myself at this point. I feel like a huge mess.
